Twitterers Whose Handles I Like to See

A friend of mine has a great way of picking movies. If you can’t decide between two movies, toss a coin.

Heads it’s The Help, tails it’s The Human Centipede II.

Flip the coin, then hold your hand over the result and ask your friend, “Which one do you hope it will be?”

People will always have an answer. “Ooh, ooh, let it be tails!” You don’t even have to look at the coin, because the imminence of a definitive answer throws your true feelings into the foreground.

What does this have to do with twitter?

Recently, I realized, what with all that hitting the follow button like a lab rat pressing a bar to get more food, my twit stream is flooding its banks. The deluge is killing me, timewise, focus-wise, my soul a little bit. So I made one of those fancy list-thingies and sometimes I go only to it and not to the Biblical flood of Noah that has become my twitter.

My daily list consists of people who have a track record of interesting/entertaining tweets. Here are a handful of them. When I open up the stream, I secretly want it to be their twitter handles that come up. (Their “Twandles”, or something, follow their true identities.)

Stephen Blackmoore (@sblackmoore)
Sample tweet: Some mornings chewing through a ballgag and clawing your way out of a shallow grave just isn’t worth it.

Aaron Fullerton (@AaronFullerton)
Sample tweet: Just reported Hormel’s twitter account for SPAM.

Neil Gaiman (@neilhimself)
Sample tweet: Hair just cut the shortest it’s been in 35 yrs. Now staring puzzled at all the unfamiliar hair products in pots & bottles. Do I need a comb?

Kait Nolan (@kaitnolan)
Sample tweet: Someday, somebody somewhere is going to invent a better way for women to have to pee in a cup at the doctor.

Nicole Peeler (@NicolePeeler)
Sample tweet: I might die of cookie. *dies*

Janet Reid (@Janet_Reid)
Sample tweet: I’m not sure why it annoys me that people spend $5.90 to send a written query w/delivery confirmation. It’s their money. But, it does.

Salman Rushdie (@SalmanRushdie)
Sample tweet: Caribbean weekend. White sands, vanilla rum, blue-green sea, blue sky and sudden rain. Good books to read. Silence. Solitude. Perfection.

Neal Schaffer (@NealSchaffer)
Sample tweet: 3 Secrets of a Twitter Madman via @jeffbullas

George Takei (@GeorgeTakei)
Sample tweet: This away mission ended as expected.

Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig)
Sample tweet: Good morning, Humans of Twitter. Be on alert: Thursday is on the prowl, looking to do mischief. If you see him, wave your arms like a goon.

Colson Whitehead (@ColsonWhitehead)
Sample tweet: My high school English teacher RT @czoukis: Finished reading ‘Zone One’ by Colson Whitehead. Good read but it could have been much better.

This guy, My Name is Not Bob, recommends, like, 101 twitterererers for writers here.

(I know, I know. I’m supposed to call them “tweeps.” I’m working up to the girly twitter language, I really am. But I’m not there yet. Not to tweeps. Sorry.)

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